Loss
by homesickdelko
Summary: Set during Backfire. Eric and Calleigh need to grieve
1. Chapter 1

**Set during 8.20 "Backfire"**

"Eric?"

Eric was sitting at Calleigh's side in the hospital. They were able to revive her when her heart stopped beating, her body giving out from the smoke inhalation. He'd almost lost her, again, and it was becoming too much for Eric to handle. His hands were laced with hers as she slept in the hospital bed. He refused to leave her side, not now, not after they needed to revive her. He understood completely what she must have been feeling when he was shot, when the electric paddles weren't enough and the only thing that could keep her here was a shot of adrenalin straight to his heart.

He heard someone say his name but he was so lost in thought that it took Eric a moment to realize that he was no longer alone, and when he looked up he saw Alexx standing at the threshold. Her arms were crossed over her chest and the vibe he was picking up from her was not a reassuring one  
"Can we speak in the hall?" she asked him. He nodded but paused for a moment to look at Calleigh asleep, hesitant to leave her. Alexx knew he would be.

"Baby, it's important," she told him, and he felt the breathless feeling of dread sit on his chest with anticipation, not heavy enough to suffocate him, but enough to make him feel like he couldn't breathe.

He nodded in response, looking at Calleigh then back to Alexx, standing up and following her into the hall. He'd never been one of those people to find hospitals eerie, the morgue sure, but hospitals usually unphased him. Now was different, now he understood that uncanny feeling so many people talked about, and it was unsettling.

"Alexx..?" He felt his nerves start to take over, this wasn't good.  
She gave him a sad smile and reached out to him, "Eric, I don't know how to tell you this...," she paused, and the broken way she looked at him made Erics stomach flip.

"Calleigh miscarried."  
"What?" everything around him paused. She miscarried? He didn't even know she...,"she was pregnant?"  
"Yea baby," she said to him, holding his hands tight, "I'm so sorry."  
"How long?"

"10 weeks."  
She watched as his heart fell, watched as all the blood drained from his face, "she didn't tell me," he said, shaking his head, confused, "why didn't she..?"  
"Eric it's Calleigh," she reasoned with him, "she was probably trying to figure out how."  
He nodded and glaced at her through the door window, asleep, "Yea."  
"She needs you now more than ever," Alexx said, "she's lucky to have you."

"Alexx, I'd uh, appreciate if this just stayed between us."  
"Of course baby," she said, "I need to go make my rounds but I'll be back in awhile okay?"  
"Okay."  
She patted his shoulder and walked off as he opened the door to her room and took the seat beside her bed, holding her hand.

"God Calleigh," he whispered, his other hand reaching to rest on her belly. She was pregnant, they were gonna have a baby, how could she not have told him? She knew that this was all he'd ever really wanted, a family with her. Settling down. And she knew he wanted that with her for _years_ now but maybe she was waiting for the right time, maybe she just found out... maybe she didn't know.

His mind was racing, his heart was breaking, and then he saw her eyes flutter open.

"Eric." Even barely conscious he was the first thing on her mind.

"Hey," he said to her, squeezing her hand and brushing a kiss on her forehead. She could tell that there was something wrong, something more than her almost dying. The look he had was different than when she'd previously been in the hospital. The look he'd worn before was one of worry but relief, now she all she saw was heartbreak and disappointment. And then she realized.

"No," the way her eyes went wide with devastation caused him to feel a new form of pain he'd never experienced before, and he watched as she instinctively reached down for her belly, mother's instinct. His hand covered hers, "I'm so sorry," he told her, he didn't have the words. He didn't know what to tell her because he was still processing it himself. They were going to have a baby, they were going to start a family, something he'd wanted for _so long_ with her, something she knew he wanted.

"Our baby..." she whispered to him, the shock setting in.

"It's not your fault," he promised, "I love you."

" _Our baby_... I shouldn't," she was shaking her head, "I shouldn't have gone into the-"  
"Calleigh, baby, you can't talk like that. Look, you need to rest."  
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," she coughed and he told her to not talk but she just shook her head, "no," she insisted, "I was going to... I just found out on last week..."  
"Calleigh shh," he said, moving to brush his lips over hers, "Shh, I love you. We can talk about it later, you need to rest."

She nodded, her hand still on her belly, his hand on top of hers, "Please don't leave," she said quietly.

"Never," he promised her. He watched as her eyes slid shut, watched as a tear fell down her cheek. He wiped it away with his thumb and brushed his lips over her forehead, he watched as a few more tears fell and the painful ache deep in Erics chest only grew. But, like Alexx said, she needed him now more than ever, they needed _each other_ now more than ever.

"I'll always be here," he promised her, brushing his fingers through her hair, "always."


	2. Chapter 2

She'd been discharged and the moment they'd gotten home behind closed doors Eric pulled Calleigh into a tight hug, one arm wrapped around her torso, the other around her neck so he could soothingly brush his fingers through her blonde locks. He rested his head against hers and they held each other close. And then he felt her start to cry, felt her body tremble against his and all he could do was hold her tight while she cried out her grief. 10 weeks may not seem that far along, and Calleigh almost felt silly for being as sad as she was. She hadn't even known for more than a week. Everything had just been so busy at work and they were exhausted from double and triple shifts, and that's not how she wanted him to find out. She wanted to tell him over a homemade meal, figured the easiest way would be when he'd offer her a glass of wine and she'd refuse. He was smart, she knew he'd figure it out. It was a scene she'd been replaying over and over since the moment she found out. She was going to be a mom, her and Eric were going to have a _baby_ , she couldn't begin to explain the excitement she felt, her hopes were so high and she didn't even have a chance to share it with Eric before everything came crashing down.

"I'm so sorry," he wasn't sure what else to say, he wasn't sure how to console her or what to do other than hold her close so she could let it out.

"It's not your fault," he promised her.

Eric wasn't sure how long they stood there for, but he was certain it had to have been well over 30 minutes as her sobs shook her body. He kept his arms tight around her until he felt her body begin to still.

"I'm sorry," she murmured to him, pulling away so she could wipe her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater.

"You never have to apologize to me Calleigh," he told her, resting his forehead on hers, "never, okay?"  
She nodded, wiping her eyes, "okay," she said, brushing her lips over his.

"I love you," he told her again as he kissed her sweetly, running his fingers through her hair. He knew she knew that, but he also knew that right now she needed to be surrounded and reassured with as much love as possible.

"I love you too," she said quietly to him. He felt her sigh and then look up to him, running a hand through his hair, "will you lay with me?"  
He smiled at her sweetly, looking at her like she was the most beautiful thing in the world. And she was, to him. He brushed a kiss against her lips and murmured to her, "of course."

Their hands laced and she led him to the bedroom. She'd changed into sweats at the hospital and was too tired to change into something different, so she made her way to the bed, watched as Eric stripped down to his boxers and tucked himself in beside her. He wrapped a strong arm around her torso as they spooned, their legs tangled and fingers lace. Eric nuzzled his face into her hair, pressing kisses all along her skull and holding her tight. They'd both been through alot today, and all Eric wanted to do was hold her and make everything better. But this would take time, she needed to grieve, _he_ needed to grieve. They needed to grieve together, even if Eric didn't know prior to the miscarriage, they both lost what would have been their first child, and that was something that required grieving. He knew they'd get through it, knew that, despite the tragedy, it would only make them stronger as a couple. And maybe in a few weeks, or a few months, or even in a few _years,_ they'd try. Whenever she was ready, because he'd always be there.


End file.
